Did you ever stop to think of all the ways jealousy impedes happiness, thus resulting in a less than friendly relationship with others? It was in the sixth grade when jealousy first reared its ugly head and stared me right in the eye. Would you believe it happened when a guy offered another girl to do his homework for him; it had been my job for months.
Throughout my teens, young adulthood, and onto present day at 67 years of age being jealous of any girl perceived as being attractive to my mate results in a pause. As an aging attractive female I am jealous of girls he _____during his younger years. Some are as many as thirty or forty years before we even met.
More interesting is how jealousy impacts my relationship with friends, like girlfriends. A few years ago a gal who was on my sailing team, a gal I taught to sail, a gal I spent endless hours helping her writing her book, organizing her life so she could spend more time becoming a competent sailor while juggling her career and family. Behind my back she literally jumped ship. I was livid. Like a foolish school girl I would stare her down, make nasty comments and avoid lending a helping hand. Sure if she were in imminent danger I would assist; but offer to grab a line while she was docking, hell no.
The research overwhelming relates jealousy to insecurity. We think someone else is better. We ignore our value. We underestimate all the good that resides within our soul.
On a recent 8 day sailing adventure I sucombed to a nasty habit. Several times I dissed something a dear friend suggested. If she asked a question I was quip to answer denying the simplest request. When I realized on our last night at sea, perhaps my last night sailing with precious friends (she being one) on my beloved Marples 35, I cried myself to sleep. Each day since I wince and choke back tears on my poor behavior.
The only thing I can come up with is jealousy. That nasty green monster. After all, her husband is a professional sailor. She has one of the most user friendly sailboats at her disposal. She owns her own dock and within an hour or two she can camp on an island and/or sail for miles whenever she wants. Yet, after all these years, she still limits her learning to sail on the backseat. She loves to go for a sail, loves the comraderie, is a great cook, is organized, friendly, and has all the empathy people and animals that I so lack.
There is no reason, people will argue, to be jealous. So, why then, is it there? What about the wife of a husband’s behavior that has become deplorable? Why be jealous of the hussy he brought into their home? I don’t know. I do know the best revenge is success. And, it is hurtful. Why would an intelligent, attractive, kind wife question whether she isn’t good enough?
Research also favors positive affirmations, concentrating on a new passion in life, and engaging in a healthy lifestyle as important components to get over that green, slimy disease. Yea, eventually the monster fades. We have pills for headaches. Like Huey Lewis, I want a new drug. One that will instantly wipe out jealousy. That dern biting bug bites against competitors and co-workers. Maybe we need an invisible sheild; perhaps a stun gun that impedes the monster from soaking into our soul.
Jealousy frustrates me on two levels. First because selfishly I am tired of being inflicted. More importantly, is the second level. I want to save those I love and those I don’t even know from suffering from its stabbing pain.