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Sassea Sails

SAILING, METAPHORS, ADVENTURE,

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Relationships

Regretful Remembrance of Viet Nam

Regretfully, my involvement and recollection of the year my older brother, Harry spent in Viet Nam was devoid of the man’s inhumanity to man. What I remember is once a month mom and I would bake chocolate chip cookies, pack them in a box littered with miniature marshmallows and send them to Harry. His letters reflected the appreciation of him and those in his command for the treat. Most of the cookies he jeered after his return home were ‘unbroken. “…and the marshmallows were like the icing on the cake.”

Recently while enjoying the company of a new friend, Linda S., we talked about our memories of View Nam. When I told her about using the marshmallows to cushion the chocolate chip cookies. She seemed amazed. “What a great idea,” she clambered. “Much better than using those styrofoam nuggets.”

In memory of Harry and all those he shared the cookies with I am baking several batches of cookies. One for Linda S., one for my sister, one for our younger brother, and one for Harry’s Vietnamese friend. I wish I had done more.

Sincerity versus Integrity

Regretfully I did not document the source of an interesting concept; that is the difference between sincerity and integrity. Accordingly sincerity relates to intent whereas integrity relates to the action. For example, a man invites a woman out on a date. At the time of the asking he truly wants her to be by his side, to accompany him to said event. The event doesn’t matter in this situation. Rather we are focusing on the sincerity with which he invited her. This situation could be between two friends, a parent and a child, or even a teacher and a student.

The point is at the time of the invitation the intent was clear and desirable. Then, something happens and for whatever reason the person doing the inviting or the one agreeing to the date changes their mind. Perhaps something better comes along, perhaps the invitation was forgotten. Again, why one of the parties changes their mind is not important. What is important that one of the parties did not keep their word. Though sincere about asking, their mind changing reflects their integrity.

Regardless of how sincere one is when making a plan, the integrity is demonstrated in the follow through. Does this make sense? Does it help narrow down the description of someone? One can be sincere with less than desirable integrity. Or so stated the source which I failed to document…While I am sincere in the message perhaps my integrity with giving credit where credit is due is not so strong.

Comments? Questions? Let me know: sailorhiker@gmail.com

Like a Shaken Beer Can…

“I can’t do this anymore,” are the words that instantly reverberated in my mind. “What, what you are saying?” I quizzed. “We need to end this, I can’t do it,” was his reply. ” Another question from me, “You mean us, I thought we were going to live together until we die.” In a kind of innocent voice he offered, “Well we can end it now or we can finish the trip first.”

It was those words, end it now that flipped my top. Like an explosive 12 ounce beer, the bottled emotion exploded from my heart and my gut. “End it!” I shrieked in horror. It is the last thing I wanted. I had become so happy with my life and lived each day thinking of ways to enrich our bond. Now, I learn it was only working for me. With authority and assertiveness, I squealed, “If we are going to end it, we need to end it now.” At the same time I felt the devastation of a love gone bad. How I wanted to calm down, but if it was over, I couldn’t continue to go on a three month vacation. I had to find a residence. I had to again start a new life. And then, like a summer squall the tears flowed for hours as he drove and drove, nearly non-stop back from whence we came.

Three weeks later and there is a constant urge to send a text, to practice playing the Shadow of Your Smile on my piano. All the while the reality seems that I will  not spend the rest of my life with this handsome man who brought so much calmness and efficiency into my life. A man who I longed to kiss good night each night.  A man who would leave me, who for whatever reason just couldn’t keep joy in his heart when I was present. Like a microburst, in a split second it was over. Or is it?

And so, at age 69 I sit on the seat in the airport waiting the arrival of my sister. To refrain from stalking him, bothering him, or being a whiny chasing female I distract myself by:  practicing French using the online DuoLingo Language Program, write up this blog entry, and perhaps work on my journal organization. In simple terms it is said another one bites the dust as I focus on a life on my own. I failed at making this relationship work. I blew up like a cork on an aged bottle of champagne. The damage to the relationship would be akin to putting the alcohol back in its container. After all, he too seemed to be overwhelmed by the emotional outburst and just wanted me gone. I was like an out of control freight train, or a wounded deer that wanted to run far and fast away from the hunter.

Yet, in my imagination when I look up from the computer screen, I see him the way I saw him when he arrived in the airport in the Dominican Republic. I see him coming to get me while at the same time I am awake to the reality that he will . . .

 

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