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Sassea Sails

SAILING, METAPHORS, ADVENTURE,

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Women Who Change Their Mind

Letters I’ve Written, Blogging for Blabbing and Memoiring Maybe

Having been a blogger for about 20 years now, I finally decided to write my memoir. Writing with the intent of printing a book, though is different than blogging. Blogging, for me is way to vent, to puke out whatever thoughts come to my mind. There have been times when my blogging had a hidden theme. Themes included  a never before vocabulary word, using only 3 sentences in a paragraph, or admitting a less than desirable action.

Writing a memoir for the world to read is a little different. Committed to making others look good, to show their sunny side, and avoid any words that might upset or offend someone is a challenge. How does one bear their soul, share intimate stories, or explain deep feelings without offending?

What I do know is that I have a compulsion to write. When I graduated high school and my best friend at the time went off to college, I wrote to her every single day. A boy I liked, Frank,  at the time was serving our country as a soldier in Korea. I wrote and mailed him a letter every single day. He wrote back nearly every day, as well. Upon his return I learned he had been living with a little lovely during his time overseas. Though glad to end any possibilities with a romance I wish I kept the letters.

Forgetting about ‘boys’ I idled my time writing a story using the titles of songs. It went something like this:”Oh, Mr. Postman, look and see,” I “Aint Misbehavin.’ and I ‘Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” even though “All my Rowdy Friends” are having a “Blue Monday.”   On and on it went. As I recall it was at least ten pages handwritten filling both sides of notebook paper. If only I kept that as well.

So, from silly lyrics to assertively written letters in which I pour my heart out to people whose behavior leaves me feeling hurt or misunderstood, to blogging and now to memoir writing here I am blabbing on. What keeps me motivated with an unstoppable compulsion? It is an internal urge. What will propel me to writing a successful memoir though is my friend Linda McGarry, who holds me accountable for not just paying my bills on time, but for encouraging me to write.

Blaming Fate

It must be fate that wiles my activities in its effort to hold me accountable. The epifocal of my plans to move to a more remote environment than the overcrowded lifestyle lived for the past 50 years, was designed to lure me into a new career as a writer. Yet, the seemingly tranquil, too cold to go outside, climate here in arid southern Colorado, has not exactly kept me indoors.

Knowing fitness would continue to be a priority, I participated in a “Hike on New Year’s Day” event held at Lathrop State Park about five miles from our home on the range. As the group of hikers, whom I had never seen before, gathered to hear the Rangers’ plan for the start of the year right adventure, I asked to make an announcement. Swallowing hard and grimacing when the ranger waved me toward the center of the room a thundering silence bombarded e my brain. “Will someone want to go hiking with me?” was the voice of a lifetime of  rejections that infiltrated my frontal lobe. Still, I persisted.

Polly, a tall radiant blonde wearing a multi colored knit ski hat with long braided tails raised her hand. Without hesitation she spoke right up.  “I love to hike and have been hoping to find a partner.” We decided to meet after the hike. It was a fairly easy climb to the summit at Lake Lathrop State Park in Walsenburg, Colorado (about 5 miles from my house).  Located on the north side of the  park, the trail provided several scenic views of two lakes and several mountain ranges in all four directions. The ranger took time to explain the geological history of the park and describe the features of the varied flora and fauna. None of his words took hold. My focus was on navigating the terrain. From small pebbles to flat topped boulders I was embracing each step.

After the hour long  hike the group reconvened in the visitor center. The park ranger and his staff of one provided healthy snacks, chili, coffee, and bottled water for the participants. Polly and I found each other in the group.  Being excited to be meeting at least one person my confidence encouraging others lifted my spirits. I again announced, “Any ladies interested in future hikes, please join us.”

Donna, a healthy looking gal about my age offered a seat next to her. Her spoken resume of hiking many of Colorado’s 14 ers (mountains with a summit of at least 14,000 feet above sea level), and other adventures as a career firewoman were intriguing. Despite her choosing to not join us on future hikes  (at least not so far),  Polly and I marked our calendars for the following Tuesday. That was the first week in January. Ever since, we have hiked 2 – 4 hours each week; each week on a different trail.  This past week two other gals joined us. Slowly our hiking experience is growing in numbers and terrain.

Hiking provides inspiration for memoiring. Past experiences from childhood up to today my life is filled with bittersweet memories. Some bring so much joy my laugh echoes across the meadows. Others turn on the faucet that like a dam opens to let the tears flow. Still others, the ones that perplex me the most are the irritations like jealousy that infuriate. While these thoughts provide impetus for writing, fate is being blamed for spending my time doing other things than writing.

Learning to play the piano and ukulele are an example. Three years ago I began taking piano lessons. A requisite for buying a house included the purchase of a piano. My battery operated piano keyboard had become a necessary  accouterment when traveling. A real piano has class, it adds to the ambiance of a home filled with music. Still, the portable piano was to be my travel companion. Its bulky maneuvering in the van led to the purchase of a ukulele. What I acquired was three distractors from writing: hiking, and playing the piano and ukulele.

Fate further infiltrated. Moving to SOCO (southern Colorado)  held the promise of a return to another love, skiing. During the first two months it was easy to dismiss slope surfing (my interpretation of downhill skiing. Using the need to get familiar with my new life in rural America, I lied to myself. “I’ll wait until next winter to take up skiing. After all it would be a 3 hour one way drive to the slopes and being as Ron and I are renewing our lives as a couple I did not want to go out of town without him. Skiing would wait, I silently repeated almost once a day.

Unexpectedly on a chilly winter’s day watching freshly fallen snow outside our living room window, a well respected sailing friend from the ’80s and ’90s sent me a compelling text. “Hi Marlene, I’ll be skiing next week. You and Ron can ski then spend the night with me and Kris.” Can you guess how long it took to respond? Well, fate insisted I leave the next morning at 5:30 for Wolf Creek Ski Area. Ron chose to stay home.  At $100 a day for fuel, equipment rental and lift tickets, there goes the budget along with another non writing day. And, there goes the budget…

Lest I forget my agreement to create a flyer for our neighborhood “Best Tasting Chili Contest,” prepare at least one meal a day, update my computer and phone at the local coffee shop where they offer free wi-fi, a weekly trip two hour round trip to Pueblo for groceries, dental appointment, lead the one hour walk around the neighborhood,  join my sweet for our evening  fire side chats, engage in a 45 minute fitness routine, e-mai friends, play a few rounds of Words with Friends, check the mail, organize tax documents, check on investments, listen to the radio for the ubiquitous political drama, and lastly, put another log on the fire.

Whew! just listing these endeavors tires me out. It must be fate. After all, the better part of my life has been spent contriving an escape from boredom. If I believe I can control these urges to do so many different things, than I feel undisciplined. If I blame fate, I more easily accept my failure to follow through. Oh, dear, I ask, “What’s a girl to do?”

 

 

 

 

Motivation Times Three

First, what motivates me more than an unexpected call to go skiing? In my present state of mind, not much else. Welcoming a new chapter in my life, skiing with friends, Simon and Krissy,  from our sailing past is remarkable…(Wishing Danny was here)

Second, what gratitude fills my heart with more than an unexpected call from a friend. Similar to me, she has crossed from one life style to another. Her reminder of the power of an ‘ant’ led me to copy the words to Frank Sinatra’s song “High Hopes.” If an ant can move a rubber tree plant, surely Max and I can move mountains…

Third, what sailboat intrigues me more than any other style than a try. Whether sailing my 17 foot Windrider or sailing offshore on my 35 foot Marples, tris are the way to go. Relatively fast and relatively flip over proof like my sailing friend Suky, we shall forever lust over these fine designs. Oh yea, what motivated me today was that I finally read a comment in which Suky reminded me of a typo. Need to change a prior post on Validation from listing to lusting…

If you believe in things coming in threes, well today was my day.

Cheers and please remember to provide me with feedback, check me out on facebook (can’t believe I am addicted to it) or zip me an e-mail: sassythesailor@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

Three Strikes

Here I go again getting impatient because someone didn’t respond to my rant. So, instead of quietly ignoring the situation and leaving the ball in their park I threw another pitch. This brings me back to an old philosophy of mine.

Three strikes and I am out. Anytime I failed to do something on the first try I reminded myself to allow two more failures before changing my tune. This worked when sailing, counseling, and doing a domestic chore.

In sailing it was imperative to keep a roster of five for each race. My roster included up to ten. How many times did I call each person? No more than 3. I figured if someone didn’t respond after that they either didn’t want to say ‘no,’ or were too busy. I certainly didn’t want to be a nag.

In counseling I would allow three sessions to solve a problem. In the school system counselors rarely have time to engage in long term therapy. Hence the genre ‘brief counseling’ was coined. If after the 3rd session the problem wasn’t solved a recommendation another counselor with whom the student, parent, or teacher might want to consider meeting with.

In the domestic arena I was negligent. There were too many other things I would rather do. Domestics included dinner with family like those Thanksgiving traditions where everyone would sit around the table and overeat. Then, the men would plop in a cushy chair and fall asleep watching football on TV. The women talked about future plans, bashed the men or  gossiped. I probably tried a zillion of these experiences. Way more than three.

With relationships I always want to end encounters in  peace. Although it took me some sixty years to come to this position with my sister. I am thankful her and I have finally met in the middle. At the first inkling of a misunderstanding or annoyance we confront each other. Within a day or two we rehash until we reach a satisfactory understanding. In some cases we decide a topic is not one we choose to engage in. And, so it goes with my mate.

On another tack, when I want to turn an acquaintance into a friendship do I use the same baseball rule before giving up?  I think I will because just like calling a dear friend if they don’t return my calls after 3 attempts a voice shouts in my head, “Quit being a nudge or an annoyance, they will call when they are ready.” Current score is two to none.

OOOOOOOO, I almost forgot between now and my birthday a hiking friend, Polly, and I will attempt to climb our first 14er. If we fail, do we try two more times then give up?

Happy Trails

 

 

Validation

About 8 years ago in the tiny town of Chesapeake City an aspiring sailor took the time out of her day to drive a long way to meet me at the dock. A stranger, a gal named Suky, who I read about wanted to get to know me.  Meeting Suky  was the first validation I received as a solo sailor. All my friends, family and colleagues knew of my adventure but it was Suky who made me feel accepted into the world of solo sailing.  Now that I am on respite from sailing it is reading about Suky’s adventures that keeps my dream of sailing alone offshore alive.

Another respected sailor is Sherry McCampbell. I remain in awe of her perseverance to stick with her goal to sail around the world. The days when Sherry and I walked the beaches of Indialantic, Florida are as vivid as if they are still happening. We jabbered with each sandy step. Sherry wanted and found a compatible mate, who she married.  Me, I took the solo route. And, then, I fell into lust over a man who still makes my knees shake when he smiles at me.

While Sherry and her husband Dave are now about halfway around the world, after six years into their ten year circumnavigation, I am learning the ropes of being an unmarried housewife, a fraulein, living at the rural, arid gateway to the Rocky Mountains with a man I adore. Admittedly I am somewhat embarrassed  that I have yet to finish my solo circumnavigation.  Reflecting on the morning Suky showed up at the passage between the Delaware and Chesapeake Rivers which substantiated my need to have someone else  belief that I have the ability to sail where, when and how I choose to navigate the world.

In my heart I know I will sail again. It is in my soul (and my budget)…

 

 

Standing Waves

fullsizeoutput_2bfbViewing the Spanish Peaks Mountain Range, from our loft window,  there was relief knowing I am not as far from sailing the great oceans of our world as I once feared. The old downhill ski resort clearly shows the trails of a once thriving playground for winter sports.   From about 15 miles away the scenery is a reminder of how I connected sailing and surfing to skiing during my two years on the slopes of New Hampshire.  The drudgingly slow and breathtaking steps when hiking up a mountain has some semblance to sailing upwind in a stiff blow when it is 2 am and all you really want to do is  climb into your bunk. To get that extra 1/4 knot of speed you crank the winch. Your inner voice repeats a common refrain, “just keep moving, slowly and steadily, you are almost there.” 

Unlike the rise and fall of the ocean’s swell the mountains are solidly held in place or so it may seem. The earth is in constant motion. It perpetually  spins on its own axis while traveling around the sun causing winds, currents and temperatures to change. Inevitably this results in the evolving landscapes around the world. An earthquake is an example of how pressure from deep beneath the earth’s surface creates one of the most wondrous and destructive forces, illustrating the ever-changing motion of mother earth. 

In this manner, it can be argued that those majestic snow-capped mountains seen outside my upstairs windows, are not static. Rather, due the the earth’s vibrations,  they can be considered standing waves whose movement can only be detected by a sophisticated seismograph. In contrast,  sailors and surfers expect a wave to continue its path. Without warning about the second the wave is expected to crest, it seems to pause, leaving the boat or surfer hovering in curious wonderment before the wave returns to its destined crash  into a thunderous roar.  

Do the waves actually stop moving? Do the mountains really move? Or, do I just need to rationalize my new lifestyle 2000 miles away from the ocean’s door?

Residing myself to, never mind

Here I go changing my mind again. Up until I read a comment for a long time sailing friend I had convinced myself to sell my 17 foot trimaran.  It is such a user friendly craft. Then again, living at 7000 feet in southeastern Colorado makes me wonder if the sailing vessel can with stand the cold. What will happen to the structure of the boat. The motor, too will have to live outside in freezing temperatures for months at a time. The hulls are molded plastic like the popular kayaks. Guess I’ll do some research.

Tomorrow I will be car shopping to allow me to tow my boat. So, why get rid of it? What heck am I thinking?  Buying a house without a garage in snow country doesn’t make much sense especially knowing it will be the end of summer 2018 before the garage is built. Considering that Ron’s house hasn’t sold, maybe we should stay here all winter. I don’t know what I want.

Some days I tell myself to just stay home and get on with writing my tales of woe. Other days I long for the wind in my hair, the camaraderie on the water, and the exhilaration of a day of fun in the sun. Is this really a reflection of my being a gemini? The ying and the yang. Why can’t I be like others who know what they want. Why can’t I focus my thoughts to write a coherent story?

One thing at a time, let me get the car capable of towing. Then, consider towing it to Cedar Key for a week of sailing with like minded folks. Putting first things first that makes sense. Though busboy (VW beetle convertible) is a fun car to drive and a joy to even look at, she just isn’t conducive for living in snow country and/or taking my little sailboat here, there, and everywhere.

After two hours of just messing around on Facebook, writing this blog, and avoiding exercise, it is time to stand up make a plan for tomorrow. Price shop cars, , , eat a nice veggie omelet for breakfast, work out, go to the museum, then car shop and lastly, visit the genius bar at the Apple Store. It does help when I blog in a quiet ranting, non critical way. Thanks to any and all who read and/or send me feedback.

       sasseasails@gmail.com

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